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I don’t know about you, but I’ve been having a tough time going to the movies lately. I feel like I can’t go to the movie theater and find a decent movie I want to watch that isn’t in 3D. What the hell, people? Since when did we want our movies to pop out of the screen at us? I guess that part’s pretty cool, actually. Having awesomely fantastic scenery stretched in front of you and sounds and music blasted into your brain is an amazing experience.The only way it could get more immersive is to have those pictures pop right out of the screen, right? Wrong!

I hope I’m not the only one who thinks that movie companies are going overboard with the 3D. James Cameron’s Avatar was a life-changing experience. How to Train Your Dragon was very cool. Tron: Legacy was damn sexy. That about does it, as far as I’m concerned. I probably missed a few other good 3D movies from the last two years, but whatever.

Now, let’s make a list of shittily done 3D movies: The Green Hornet, Clash of the Titans, Alice in Wonderland, Monsters vs. Aliens, Shrek Forever After, Thor, and the list goes on. These are movies that were written for 2D, planned, had scripts written for them, even had the damn actors ready when the companies behind them were like, “Hey, you know how we get $5 more per head? Have the flunkies in the CG department whip up some voodoo shit and make these bitches 3D!”

What all Hollywood execs look like

It’s just silly. I sincerely hope people stop watching 3D movies unless they are filmed entirely in 3D or until 3D technology gets good enough to where it won’t matter.

As far as Transformers: Dark of the Moon goes, I’m fairly certain the only reason the movie was 3D was to give me a headache whenever I tried to take off my glasses. There were very few instances in that movie when the 3D mattered or was even noticeable. Not only that, but the theater I was in had a shitty copy that kept going in and out of focus even with the glasses on (hence the technology comment above).

At this point, you’re probably saying to yourself, “But what about plot and action? The other movies at least had some cool action sequences, right?” The first half of the movie was complete crap since it had a total of 10 minutes with any Transformer in it. The last half of the movie could have been awesome if it didn’t give my inner child an aneurysm by ripping apart any semblance of Transformers cannon that I am miraculously able to recall. If I had to choose my favorite part of this crapfest, I would have to choose the ten seconds when Soundwave made his appearance. Soundwave is badass.

I still have his toy in a box somewhere

The Decepticons’ ninja equivalent

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One thought on “Transformers 3(D)

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